i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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