it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
