You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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