We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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