u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
