i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
