I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
