I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
