I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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