I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
