I've blown a few things in my day
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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