She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry my hands just texted you
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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