I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
