just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
