It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
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That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
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I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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