yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
