i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
How naked do you want me to be?
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