Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
