do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
