Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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