It's like God shit irony all over that family
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize