Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
