My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
