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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
