Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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