I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
