You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
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She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
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He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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