just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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