did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
