do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
