omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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