we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
