i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
