let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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