Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
