I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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