She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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