So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
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Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Actions speak louder than pants.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
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I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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