1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
