Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
