He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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