tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize