i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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