I wish they made helmets for livers.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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