I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize