It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
