I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
