I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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