I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I have demons in me.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
