Your face is a jimmy john
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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