We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
