I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
FUCK WHALES
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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