im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
