Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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