Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
