I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just gift wrapped bread.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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