he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
