You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
