Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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